Tuesday, November 6, 2012

The right man.

I found these quotes and love reading them.  However, there is a spelling error in the quotes on the left  which says "who'll squeeze you're hand..." You're= you are.  It is supposed to be written as your= belonging to you. 

The main reason why I post these quotes is to let my daughters know some of the characteristics they should assess when they think they have found their Mr Right. Mr Right does not mean Mr Perfect. Nobody is perfect anyway. But at least they should be well aware that getting married is not about two love birds living together and fulfilling duties as husband and wife. It is more than that. It is about understanding, give and take, compromising, complementing, accepting, respecting and many more....

To get the best, we need to be the best! Don't be so gullible and easily fooled by a man's charm. Always ask for guidance from Allah to lead you to find the right man who is able to accept you completely and not a man who would enjoy your strengths and criticize you on your weakness. A man who is able to see the beauty in you despite your physical appearance. A man who would not hesitate to tell that you are beyond compare because he has discovered your real beauty...


Indeed, Allah knows what is best for us.  My advice, live life meaningfully and be thankful every moment. Always trust yourselves and always believe that what Allah has in store for us would be the best because He is the creator. Pray for the best to get the best in this world and hereafter.

Sunday, November 4, 2012


I begin to enjoy the serenity in silence..
Silence has become a remedy...
Healing the invisible bruises in the heart

helps me to look at myself,
helps me to scrutinise my weakness.
helps me to embrace myself in positive thinking...

Allows me to assess and evaluate
my thinking, my feelings, my actions, my success, my failure,
my happiness, my frustrations, my strategies, my submission to Allah.

has made me feel closer to Allah....
has made me feel thankful to Allah even more..
has made me feel blessed...

After all,
Silence is golden...

Thursday, September 27, 2012


What is the significance of number 44?
Same double digit?
Either way you read it, you still get the same number.

What have I accomplished at 44?
What have I not accomplished at 44?

as a person...
as a daughter...
as a wife...
as a mother...
as a teacher...
as a student...
as a friend....
as a worker...
as a mentor...
as a neighbour...
as a member of society
as a citizen of Malaysia
as a follower of Rasulullah
as a servant of Allah

I have not accomplished much...
I have a lot more to achieve
I humbly need guidance from Allah
I fear that when the time has come
I have nothing to bring along with me on the judgement day.

Dear Allah,
Please forgive me and please continue to guide me  and my family to jannah.
Will the number stop at 44?
Only Allah has the answer.

** am holding back tears.


She can't lie to herself.  It is the feeling that has been cooped up inside.  She just knows it when she feels it but she just cannot pretend it will go... She could disguise and put on a smiling face.  The intense feeling will still be inside. 

Here the story goes:

She texted her immediate boss in the afternoon when she was supposed to join her colleagues on a camping trip that morning:
"Salam bos, I am really sorry.  I am supposed to tell you earlier but I was hoping a miracle would happen.  It seems that I lost my battle again.  I could not join the camp for I did not get the greenlight again.  I've informed the rest.  I am supposed to text you this morning but my handphone  was sulking (just like its owner) and I could not call out or call in."

Then, her boss replied:
I WILL TRY TO UNDERSTAND (in capital letters)

A few minutes later she received a call from her boss:

Her boss said "Do you know that camping is the ultimate activity for a uniformed unit so that you could evaluate the students - whether they are able to apply what you have taught them since last semester in a real setting?"

She answered, " Yes, I understand. I do understand. I am sorry. I cannot go again this time."

The conversation ends 

She knows that her boss is frustrated, but she feels frustrated even more.  Especially when everyone else in the whole unit has gone out with the respective uniformed unit including those from other department and she can't even serve her own department. 

She knows she has not been treated fairly.  She is afraid that she is going to lose her patience one day.   She has been very kind, too kind.  Her frustration makes her become quiet.... she has nothing to share since she knows her voice is no longer heard. Her feelings has no value. 

She does every thing she can.  She doesn't bother to ask for help because she knows it is going to be useless.  She is racing with time most of the time.  She gets back from work, she starts to cook, she stops and  fetches her son, she continues to cook, she sends her sons for tuition, she continues to cook, she serves dinner, she sits for a while and she fetches her sons from tuition.  Amazingly, she has never sighed or complained.  She does her routine with a smiling face because she knows what she has done would be visible to Allah. She prays that Allah shower her with health so that she could continue to serve.

But she can't deny her feelings as human. She is hurt inside.  She can only write.  She has no one to talk to.  It is too private for her to confide in anyone.  She has always kept her dissatisfaction to herself.  She will heal herself by resorting to Allah.  She is lucky that she has Allah and Rasulullah.

When she feels down, she will start to reflect.  How it all began.  She will come up with a hypothesis.... maybe because she has never been loved truthfully. After all, she doesn't fit into the criteria.  It has always been one sided.  Fulfilling responsibility and feeling in love are very different in nature. The former does not involve respect and  mutual emotion whereas the latter does. When someone is in love he/she will make sure that he/she will not hurt each others' feelings but impress him/her with care and respect instead.  Probably her hypothesis is right.

She smiles.  She should not waste her time anymore.  She should not mourn for what had happened and regret the past.  She has to move forward and always look at the positive side of life.  She needs to turn problem to opportunity - to be closer to Allah.  She trusts that Allah will always be there for her.  Allah will listen to her when nobody will.  She heals herself by thinking that this world is only temporary.  Hereafter is eternity and jannah is her goal. 

Her frustration will fade and she will begin to smile again.....

Monday, September 24, 2012

The door is closed

No room for discussion.
The door is closed.
Nothing could be said.
No questions could be asked.
No compromise is intended
No negotiation is extended
No explanation could be uttered
No consideration is offered

Too selfish to consider....
Too self eccentric to even bother...

Thought it should be otherwise
Thought there should be give and take
Thought there should be a shoulder to lean on
Thought there should be tolerance
Thought there should be understanding
Thought there should be support
Thought there should be care and concern...
At least, LISTEN...

Her wants are not of concern....
Her interests are off value....
Her feelings are meaningless
Her likings are not worth considering
Her views are not worth thinking
Her voice is not worth listening
Her frustrations are not a problem
Her embarrassments do not mean a thing
Her heartbreaks are not worth concerning

After all,
She will always be there

Never complain
Never defy

Just like a robot
Made of metal
No emotion
Need no hug
Need  no pat
Need no sympathy

The whole week
She is alone... when the rest camp out
She misses the fun,
She misses the experience.
She could not explain
She could not negotiate
Probably one night or two
Instead of four...

The door is closed, remember?
Ashamed, embarrassed, frustrated,
Name it!  
No place to hide...

She thought of driving,
3 hours to and 3 hours fro...
everyday till Friday.
No choice...
has been left with no option

The voice will remain silent..
The hearts has been determined
Pray for blessings from Allah
Pray for safety all the way

the news on the radio stops her...
Fatal accident on the same route she is going to take..

She sees dead end..
She turns to Allah
She knows very well
Allah holds the heart of all mankind

She could be wrong though
Only Allah knows
May Allah forgive her.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Reflecting and smiling

Couldn't say enough....
Thank you Allah the All mighty...
22 years living together .....
ups and downs....
better and worse...
happy and depress.....
joy and sorrow....
laugh and cry....
smile and frown....
health and pain....
glad and dismay...
hopeful and hopeless....
pleasant and  miserable....
excitement and anxiety....
success and failure.....
blissful and heartbreak

been through 'em all....
am expecting....
a lot more to come.....
obstacles and boulders......

it has been good
life is great....

Thursday, April 5, 2012


Plain describes her well (from her point of view). Nothing interesting about her. She is just a plain lady with no strong character. She'll be easily forgotten because she doesn't like to live in the lime light. She does what is being told without question. She is just a mere plain lady who doesn't like to complain that some people couldn't think that she too needs a break and a pat.

Some thing that makes her wonder some time is she would normally feel low whenever she is around the people she loves. She wonders why... She tries to look her best;l she tries to behave her best; she has been giving her all; she accommodates her loved ones even if it means she has to sacrifice the time for herself. She hardly has the time for herself after all. She doesn't have the time to enjoy watching her favourite tv programmes. Even if she tries to watch movies that she likes while doing the chores, she received unpleasant remarks. Some time she wonders whether her presence is only for the convenience of others. Doesn't she deserve to do things she likes? Probably she is just too plain that some people fail to notice her kindness.

Ironically, this plain lady is quite well liked when she is at work. She gets her booster when her friends thanked her for her words of wisdom. ( A friend once told her that she gained a lot more after talking to her in one night as compared to what she gained in the whole of the 5-day course they attended). She recharges her energy at work so that it would last until bed time. Her existence and smile brings happiness to her work place. She has a lot of good news to share and bring home .... but she decided to stop sharing ... she feels the pain when she was being laughed at. She was laughed at when she told that someone says she looks like a celebrity... she was hoping to hear "you don't look like her at all but you are more meaningful to me and that matters" but she forgot that she is a plain lady. It hurts her to be laughed at... but she accepts the fact that that telling the truth may some times hurt.

Luckily she is good at practicing self healing. She uses self healing mechanism that she created herself. She likes to talk to herself internally. She is able to change her mindset to always see the positive bit among the negative lots. To her, smile is her best therapy. She smiles when others fail to see the strength in her. She smiles when others are unaware of her existence. She smiles when others deny her opinion. She smiles when others think low of her. She smiles when others take her kindness, diligence and love for granted.

Sometimes I wonder how she heals herself. How she was able to smile even though her heart is broken. .... To her, being able to breathe is one of the many signs of kindness from Allah and she shouldn't complain for the little unpleasant circumstances that she faces. Come to think of it... It is very true. She says if we spend most of our times complaining and feeling that life is not fair, we will fail to appreciate the sunshine and we will fail to see the joy that the rain may bring.

One day, while talking to her friends, her heart was touched. Her clumsy friend told her that one day when she is gone, her husband will miss her clumsiness. Another friend told that her husband will miss her sulkiness since she sulks a lot. She thought deeply to herself... is there anything to be missed about her? She is just a plain lady. There is nothing special about her. She has never heard that someone says she is special in any way directly to her. Plain describes her very well. Her eyes became watery... again, she uses her self - healing mechanism ... Why should she seek for human's consent? She should be seeking for Allah's consent. It is okay to be plain in front of other humans as long as we are special towards Allah. She is lucky that she doesn't depend on others to make her happy. This plain lady knows how much herself worth.

Monday, March 5, 2012


The Ministry of Education spent millions of RM to bring in native speakers of English to share expertise and train teachers and students. As an English teacher of 22 years who had been trained in the USA, I humbly think that the action is such a waste of money. Their expertise is very much questionable. I wonder if any Tom, Dick and Harry would fit for the job if they are able to speak English fluently.... Of course they are capable. it's their mother tongue. But are they equipped with necessary pedagogy and teaching methodology? I was quite surprised that some of these teachers came from South Africa! My guess is quite a handful of them probably just couldn't find a good job in their on native land and this offer from the Ministry of Education was just in time for an escape! (Of course I am not generalizing all... I insist on the word handful).

Some of these native speakers came to school for a few weeks then went missing. Some complained incessantly about everything - school rules, teachers' attitude, hot weather, etc. Some commented that code switching is a must and Malaysian teachers need to do code switching most of the time to teach English effectively. Some commented on the books we use as references... too old and out dated.... there is NO Future tense! Instead future forms should be used. English is arbitrary anyway!

Some middle men would definitely make plenty of money! If they get a comision of RM2k per person a month, 2K x 200 person = 400k per month x 24 months = count!

The money spent on these foreigners should be spent on Malaysians! My privilege to further my study has been denied twice! Allocation given was too limited. There was no allocation to allow more teachers to further studies. The money spent on these so called English language expert should be spent on funding Malaysian teachers/ lecturers to do and complete their PhD so that they could train more teachers at various levels. And these Malaysian expertise will definitely bring more profit and benefit to the whole nation.....

Just my 2 sen....

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Not this time...

"Anda tidak berjaya"
appeared on the screen as Hana keyed in her IC number.
Again, for the second time...
First, Hana was not even called for interview;
Second, Hana flunked the interview...
Would there be a third? Would Hana retreat?
Well, Hana will not falter and quit.
In fact, the application for MA went through after the fifth application.
What is second anyway?
All right, no more excuses... Hana needs to move on and do it on a part time basis...
Is Hana capable? Can Hana go through it?

Come on, Hana!
You know yourself better!
Challenge yourself!

Hana wants to do it right.
Hana wants to complete it in 3 years!
Ok, Ok... at most 5 years......

You have all the support now!
You have supportive spouse and family members!
You have supportive friends and neighbours around you!
You have supportive boss and colleagues!
You have supportive supervisor!
No more excuses!
Complete your proposal and pay the enrolment fee!

Dr T!
Hana will see you regularly.
Hana will read.
Hana will start her conceptual framework.
Hana will do lots of analytical thinking!
Hana will observe, note down and write!

Are sure Hana?
Enough power to move on and drive on a bumpy road?
Hana needs prayer from every one...
Every body, please pray for Hana!