Wednesday, September 30, 2009

She will be just fine...


As a mother I am grateful that Nuha has done a marvelous job as my first born in leading the path to success especially to her brothers and sister. Since she is small I would only need to give her minimum guidance in her academic. I have never given her any pressure when it comes to study. She knows what she wants and she will work for it. She has made my life easier especially in monitoring her academic performance. Thank you so much my dear... I know I will miss her so much...(this blog will be visited more often since she is not around to lend me her ears)...

Reminiscing the early days when I conceived her....I was admitted to Klang general hospital for threatened abortion... I was bleeding for weeks which I had mistaken it as my menses. While at the ward, an Indian lady doctor who was on duty took me to a treatment room and asked me to lie down. With an instrument (I don't know what it is called) she took out a string of blood clot from my cervix (I guessed) and showed it me and said "see...the baby is gone". Then she asked me to go back to my bed. I was in a deep pain..and not even one nurse helped me....I still remember how I held one bed after another bending in pain just to reach my bed which was at the end of the aisle by the window. I felt like my womb was going to drop on the floor...only Allah knows how painful it was....

The following morning I was pushed on a wheelchair to have my tummy screened with an ultra sound machine. The doctor proclaimed that my womb was empty and I had a complete abortion, so there was no need for D&C. I think I was admitted for 3 days before the doctor discharged me from the hospital.

Ironically, I experienced morning sickness still....I became so weak and threw up every time I consumed food or even when I drank plain water. I was teaching in SMK Kuala Kubu Bharu at that time and I went to 2 different clinics. One doctor told me that there was a possibility that the placenta had been left inside the womb resulting me in the sickness and positive urine test..another clinic that I went to had my urine tested... the result was positive...the doctor told me that I must have been pregnant for the second time..but when he did the ultra sound, my womb was still empty...there was no trace of a living creature in my tummy..the doctor himself was puzzled... Since my husband lived in Klang and I lived in KKB at that time and since we could not afford to see a specialist....I just have to stand the agony all by myself...the pain...the misery...the sickness....the sadness...the worry..the confusion ...the uncertainty.....all by myself....

After 3 months of suffering, at last I got my first 3-month pay (my husband was doing his masters at that time)......with RM1k in hand, my husband took me to Sambhi maternity clinic at Jln Medan Tuanku in KL (someone recommended the place to me). As predicted my urine test was positive...when the doctor did the ultra sound (I had to pay RM50 up front before I was allowed to go into the ultra sound room located on the 1st floor), I saw the foetus (Nuha) was bouncing up and down in my womb! How do I know it was the same foetus? The size was traced back to the earlier date when I missed my menses. Meaning... despite all the doctors in Klang hospital and KKB clinics said...Nuha was still in my womb from day one.... Nuha is indeed a survivor! Therefore, I trust that she will survive throughout the six years in Egypt.

I've told her that life is full of challenges...problems are challenges which are meant to be faced tactfully. Problems can be turned into opportunity...shift your position and look at it from different angles...insyaAllah...there will always be light at the end of a tunnel. Challenges in life will make all of us become wiser individuals...

My prayers for her will never cease....All the best Dr Nuha!(in 6 years time insyaallah)

May Allah forgive us all...

To whom it may concern,

As a human being I admit I do make mistakes...probably my judgment or action is not always right...even if they are right...they are not favourable to you...probably the words that I uttered burnt your ears....but believe me...my intention is noble...I am letting you learn ... I am letting you think... I am letting you take responsibility of your own action. I pray that Allah will open up your heart and mind and let you find wisdom.

However, if there's so much hate in your heart, I am sorry dear....too bad ...even if you despise me you have to accept the fact that I am a part of your life. .... you have lived inside me........... I could only splash your hatred with unconditional love and forgiveness but not material wealth. I have tried as much to fulfill your wish but everything must have its limits..... if you list down your granted wish list and compare it with the denied wish list... I am sure the granted wish list is longer.... If I am wrong, prove it then... there's always room for discussion and compromise.

My prayer for you will never cease. If Allah takes me away from you.... I want you to know that you are always forgiven. I will never stop loving you even if my heart aches inside...even if it stops for I would want to see you by my side in the hereafter.