Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Life is short

I went to pay my last respect to arwah Pn Mashitah, Mr Fauzy's beloved wife at 4.00p.m today. Her death was a shock to a lot of people especially to her spouse, children and family.
I went to her house but was informed by her maid that the deceased had been brought to surau seksyen 11. When I reached the surau, the deceased was already bathed and wrapped. People...relatives, friends and neighbours were reciting tahlil and doa. I managed to talk to Mr Fauzy and asked him what was the cause of her death. Mr Fauzy said she collapsed in the bathroom this morning and emphasized that she had never had any serious illness before. One of her daughters verified that she passed away around 9.45a.m.

Allahyarhamah Pn Mashitah was a lovely and beautiful lady inside out. She would accompany and supported Mr Fauzi in every condition and situation. A mother of 6 - 3 boys and 3 girls - to me she had been a superb mom and wife. I pray that Mr Fauzy and her children would be able to accept her demise with open hearts...
It had been exactly 10 days my friends (ex-cmlians) and I last met her at the reunion on 19th December 2009. She was with us...I shook her hands and hugged her 3 times.... I saw her again at the wet market in Section 6 when we were buying kuih. We didn't talk to each other though since the place was crowded and I was talking to my neighbour Dr Hasni who has just came back from Haj. I had never thought that was the last time I saw her....

Her sudden death made me think...if only I would be able to choose how I die.... I would choose to die the same way as she died....so that I do not have to suffer from illness and be a burden to anybody, especially my husband and children... Or probably, after 2-3 days of illness then I passed away...that would be more acceptable for everyone I love to accept my death I guess. But Allah knows best for sure... Well, indeed life is too short...may Allah forgive us all and may Allah grant my wish.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Kuala Selangor

When Datin Lailee (my neighbour) came up with the idea of organizing a trip to Kuala Selangor, I was excited. I knew that I would bring my children along so that they could be exposed to kampung life although my MIL laughed at the idea of taking the kids to watch fireflies. How I wished she displayed some wisdom and supported the idea of taking city kids to visit kampung. I was brought up in the city eversince I was born and the same thing goes to my children. I hope that my kids share the same excitement as I have inside me.

On 25th December 2009 we gathered infront of Datin Lailee's house and went to Kuala Selangor by a chartered bus. There were 98 of us all together. 40 in the bus and the rest drove their own car. We checked in at De Palma chalets. I took 2 chalets with connecting door. The chalets cost me RM344.00 a night. Afnan and Ammar in one room. Izzah, Aiman and I in another. Once we placed our luggage in the chalet, we had lunch at the hotel coffee house. And the lunch cost us RM105.00. Afnan and Ammar went for Friday prayer at the mosque nearby by the chartered bus. After prayer they intended to swim at the hotel swimming pool but unfortunately it rained so heavily. At 3.30 we boarded a trem and off we went to Bukit Malawati. The last time I went up to Bukit Malawati was when I was small with arwah abah and my whole family.

Then the trem sent us back to the hotel after which we needed to hurry to Aroma Ikan Bakar in Jeram. We did our asar prayer at the restaurant around 6.30p.m. Then, we sat at the table and listened to several speeches by the DO of Kuala Selangor, Datin Lailee and Orang Besar Daerah before we were able to enjoy our dinner and at the same time watched the sun set. It was beautiful indeed. The dinner that night cost us RM120.00. We did our maghrib prayer before we left for Kg Kuantan for a sampan ride to watch fireflies. The sampan ride cost us only RM20 per boat as compared to the actual price RM40. Thank you to MDKS for the 50% discount. The MDKS staffs prepared supper for us all and we were entertained by a Dabus performance. We finally went back to hotel around 11.15pm. We took a shower and did our isya prayer before we went to bed.

The following morning we had breakfast at the hotel (4 complementary coupons-needed to pay only RM5.00 for Aiman). Then, we boarded the trem and went to Taman Alam to listen to a talk about mangrove, lotong and birds available in Kuala Selangor. Then, we went to Kuala Selangor jetty to go for a boat ride with a fisherman who demonstrated how cockles are harvested. All of us managed to bring back a bag full of free cockles home. After that we were brought to Taman Ikan Air Tawar for fishing and colouring competitions for the children. We were treated with air kelapa muda and various types of kerepek and bahulu.

After that we went back to the hotel to pack and check out. We were then brought to Kampung Sg Sireh homestay and given a talk about homestay. We were treated with nasi ambang for lunch. That was the first time my children and I ever tasted nasi ambang. Of course we could not finish the rice and dishes served in a big round tray, so we need to re tie the food and bring it back with us. Then, we boarded the bus and were shown to the area of Kg Sg Sireh through the bus window. We stopped at a small food factory (IKS) and I bought some kerepek and bahulu gulung. Finally, we headed home and reached Shah Alam at 6.40pm . I did my asar prayer at 7pm!

I am really grateful for the experience we got from the trip. I really hope my children had a great time too.....

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Life is full of ups and downs. Emotions and feelings are very much depending on our environment, hormones, ways of thinking and personality. Looking back, I guess...my life has been blessed. I am blessed with a family, education, career and friends who or which have made my life complete. Before I decided to work at IPG I was really worried......the working hours is from 8am to 5pm. I was worried since I would not be able to cook for lunch and cater for my husband's and children's needs during my absence for work...

Alhamdulillah, my husband convinced me that there was nothing for me to worry since he can cook for himself and the maids can cook for the children. Last night my husband brought us to dine at Victoria Station for dinner. I was truly touched... I didn't have to cook. Then, he told me since I am now working at IPG as a lecturer, he wouldn't stop me if I need to go for a course as he used to when I was a teacher. I appreciate his understandings and I vowed not to abuse his trust. Whatever happens, to me, family will always comes first and career second.

I think, whoever is in my position and has gone through what I have experienced before would really feel grateful and blessed.

Thank you ya Allah for making my life easier and I pray that happiness will always be rewarded to me and my whole family.

My cubicle

Alhamdulillah,...my first day in IPG was not bad at all. Since the director was away yesterday, I reported myself to her deputy and later to my head unit of Kokurikulum, Mr Noor Azuddin as I was supposed to be Koko lecturer.

This morning, I went to see the director. To my surprise she asked me 'which department would I be more comfortable to work in?' Well...I answered "I was thinking of helping the english language team since TESL is my strength" Then, she assigned me to the English unit and I have my cubicle in the english language unit!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Seeks comfort but got blame instead

Sometimes when we are in a middle of a crisis or having a problem, we need to tell somebody we trust to share the confusion we have. But my intention to share the problem did not get any sympathy. I wish to seek comfort by telling what had happened but I was blamed for letting it happen. I felt so frustrated and hurt inside... ..Allah, help me!

When the whole story had not been laid out, conclusions were made. I hate to quarrel so I just admitted my fault. To my surprise that caused anger. I felt so pathetic. I felt like I wanted to just shut my mouth forever...I felt so inadequate. People would think I was lucky ...why didn't I feel lucky? Because most of times I feel incomplete...I would normally hear complaints....complaints about my cookings, complaints about the actions I took, complaints about the things I said, complaints about the decisions I made..and the list could go on.... Anybody in my position would feel the same.

Sometimes it makes me wonder...why?I am just not good enough, huh?

Friday, October 30, 2009


It takes a mother to know how mothers feel... When a mother made a request to her daughter who is also a mother but her daughter who is a mother could not fulfill the request of her mother resulting both mothers to become sad.

Sometimes, a mother just wants to go for a ride with her daughter for no particular reasons. Her daughter understands that but her daughter's guardian forbids her from going for the ride with her mother also for no particular reasons.

The daughter feels so much pressured inside because she knows that her mother's love has no boundary but her guardian's love comes in boxes. Besides, some times, the daughter feels unappreciated when she is around her guardian. The daughter doesn't know how to make things right. The daughter pity her mother but needs to obey her guardian.

Should the daughter defy? Should the daughter defend for her right? The daughter prays that Allah will soften the guardian's heart and open up his mind and eyes. The daughter feels helpless and she has only Allah to turn to because her daughter who used to lend her ears is away. Her other daughter hates her and only talk to her when she needs something from her.

Sometimes this daughter couldn't help thinking would she experience the same thing later? She still remembers how her guardian forbid her from joining her mother and family get together 3 times. Would her future sons in law take her daughters away too? This daughter doesn't have the answer....May Allah always bless her and her mother...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Umi's Spaghetti Bologna


1 packet of spaghetti (boil until soft with 1 tablespoon of cooking oil-let the water boil first before you place the spaghetti into the pot- once the spaghetti is soft, drain the water and rinse the spaghetti with tap water)

1/4'' ginger
6 cloves of garlic
10 cloves of shallots (or2-4 onions-depending on the size)
2 tbsp of blended dried chilli or powdered chilli (depends on how spicy you would want it to be)
1 bottle of tomato ketchup
1 teaspoon dried oregano leaves
300g minced meat
salt, sugar, seasonings to taste

carrot, onions and tomatoes - cut into cubes
button mushroom - slice

Blend ginger, garlic & onion. Heat some cooking oil. Saute the blended ingredients until brown. Add in chilli and fry until brown. Then, add in minced meat and 1 cup of water. Let the meat soft and cook. After that add in tomato ketchup (you can also add in Prego spaghetti sauce).
Add in the rest of the ingredients. Add water (depending on your desired thickness). Let it simmer for 30 minutes on slow fire. (make sure you could trace the taste of salty, sweet and sour at the same time before it is ready to be served). Happy cooking!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Ayam masak Kurma especially for Nuha


Chicken of course (half)

1/4 '' of ginger
4 cloves of garlic
5 cloves of shallots

to be pounded or blended
then mix with 3 tablespoons of kurma powder (add some water).

other ingredients:
bunga lawang
buah pelaga
tamarind juice
coconut milk (if you are using powdered - use half a packet and add with a glass of water)
green chili (if available)

Heat some oil in a cooking pot. Saute cinnamon, bunga lawang and pelaga. Then add in the pounded ingredients and salt. Fry until yellow. Then add in the cut chicken. Add some water and cut potatoes. Stir once in a while and leave it until the potatoes are 3/4 soft. Then, add in the coconut milk. Stir. Add in some tamarind juice. Add seasoning and salt to taste. Let it simmer for a while or until the potatoes are soft. Before turn off the stove, add in green chili cut in half and tomatoes cut in 4. Ready to serve.

Happy cooking!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Give her time....

Have you heard a saying 'to love is to let go'? Hmm... it must be painful I know...but it depends..well, one thing for sure girls do not like to be pushed... not sure if I could make this generalization, but based on my own experience... yes, I don't like to be pushed. The persistence of forcing a girl to accept you in her life will drive her away from you.

I still remember when I was studying in one of the small towns in the States. There was a guy who had asked for my hand...I was not sure whether I would say 'yes' to his request at first...but his persistence scared me away. He would call almost everyday begging me to say yes. I needed space... I needed time to like a person....it was not easy to fall in love...in fact, there was no love between me and my husband when we were engaged since our relationship was based on family arrangement. I am not a person who would easily fall to any tom, dick and harry. Since I have vowed to myself that I would only give my all to a man when I am definitely sure that he is the one. I have also vowed that the man I was going to marry will be my first and my last life time partner.

That guy wanted me to say yes without making any effort to win my heart. He did not offer any help to carry my bags or tend to my needs when I first moved to the area. He was not a gentleman. How could I say yes to him when my heart says no...

What would melt my heart? Guess! Romance? Persistence? Good looks? Height? Impressive Career? Wealth? Softness? Faith? Care? Hmmm... Yup! the last word. Probably if those guys knew my soft spot, I would say yes to them... but of course they should really show they sincerely care. How? By sharing my problem, by offering help during my tough times... what else melt my heart? Piety. But of course not to the extreme ....

So guys out there... if you want to win a girl's heart, be a caring man... be pious and above all do not force her to accept you... time will tell ... if you are not successful in winning her heart, just accept the fact that you are not meant for each other.... don't be pushy, girls will run away... give her time and space.. be there for her during tough times.. let her appreciate your presence.... All the best!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

May Allah forgive both of us

I can't imagine if I were to lose a daughter...I have only two. One has gone far to study in the land of the prophets.... the other one is now in a state of defiance... not knowing what she wants and how to satisfy her.... I beg that Allah forgive us both... I have asked for forgiveness but there was no response on her part... if everything that happens is a test for me ya Allah, I accept it all with an open heart... I may not be the best mother ... but I am trying to be one... I pray that Allah will guide me through.... I keep telling myself probably she is experiencing turbulence of emotion in her teenage life... and of course I need to be there for her to guide her through... I have never given up on her ... she is mine ... Allah lends her to me ... for me to nurture, educate and support her with my life ... there's nothing much I could do for the time being since she refuses to even look at me what else talk to me....One thing for sure, I will never cease praying...I believe in the power of what mothers could do....

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

She will be just fine...

As a mother I am grateful that Nuha has done a marvelous job as my first born in leading the path to success especially to her brothers and sister. Since she is small I would only need to give her minimum guidance in her academic. I have never given her any pressure when it comes to study. She knows what she wants and she will work for it. She has made my life easier especially in monitoring her academic performance. Thank you so much my dear... I know I will miss her so much...(this blog will be visited more often since she is not around to lend me her ears)...

Reminiscing the early days when I conceived her....I was admitted to Klang general hospital for threatened abortion... I was bleeding for weeks which I had mistaken it as my menses. While at the ward, an Indian lady doctor who was on duty took me to a treatment room and asked me to lie down. With an instrument (I don't know what it is called) she took out a string of blood clot from my cervix (I guessed) and showed it me and said "see...the baby is gone". Then she asked me to go back to my bed. I was in a deep pain..and not even one nurse helped me....I still remember how I held one bed after another bending in pain just to reach my bed which was at the end of the aisle by the window. I felt like my womb was going to drop on the floor...only Allah knows how painful it was....

The following morning I was pushed on a wheelchair to have my tummy screened with an ultra sound machine. The doctor proclaimed that my womb was empty and I had a complete abortion, so there was no need for D&C. I think I was admitted for 3 days before the doctor discharged me from the hospital.

Ironically, I experienced morning sickness still....I became so weak and threw up every time I consumed food or even when I drank plain water. I was teaching in SMK Kuala Kubu Bharu at that time and I went to 2 different clinics. One doctor told me that there was a possibility that the placenta had been left inside the womb resulting me in the sickness and positive urine test..another clinic that I went to had my urine tested... the result was positive...the doctor told me that I must have been pregnant for the second time..but when he did the ultra sound, my womb was still empty...there was no trace of a living creature in my tummy..the doctor himself was puzzled... Since my husband lived in Klang and I lived in KKB at that time and since we could not afford to see a specialist....I just have to stand the agony all by myself...the pain...the misery...the sickness....the sadness...the worry..the confusion ...the uncertainty.....all by myself....

After 3 months of suffering, at last I got my first 3-month pay (my husband was doing his masters at that time)......with RM1k in hand, my husband took me to Sambhi maternity clinic at Jln Medan Tuanku in KL (someone recommended the place to me). As predicted my urine test was positive...when the doctor did the ultra sound (I had to pay RM50 up front before I was allowed to go into the ultra sound room located on the 1st floor), I saw the foetus (Nuha) was bouncing up and down in my womb! How do I know it was the same foetus? The size was traced back to the earlier date when I missed my menses. Meaning... despite all the doctors in Klang hospital and KKB clinics said...Nuha was still in my womb from day one.... Nuha is indeed a survivor! Therefore, I trust that she will survive throughout the six years in Egypt.

I've told her that life is full of challenges...problems are challenges which are meant to be faced tactfully. Problems can be turned into opportunity...shift your position and look at it from different angles...insyaAllah...there will always be light at the end of a tunnel. Challenges in life will make all of us become wiser individuals...

My prayers for her will never cease....All the best Dr Nuha!(in 6 years time insyaallah)

May Allah forgive us all...

To whom it may concern,

As a human being I admit I do make mistakes...probably my judgment or action is not always right...even if they are right...they are not favourable to you...probably the words that I uttered burnt your ears....but believe me...my intention is noble...I am letting you learn ... I am letting you think... I am letting you take responsibility of your own action. I pray that Allah will open up your heart and mind and let you find wisdom.

However, if there's so much hate in your heart, I am sorry dear....too bad ...even if you despise me you have to accept the fact that I am a part of your life. .... you have lived inside me........... I could only splash your hatred with unconditional love and forgiveness but not material wealth. I have tried as much to fulfill your wish but everything must have its limits..... if you list down your granted wish list and compare it with the denied wish list... I am sure the granted wish list is longer.... If I am wrong, prove it then... there's always room for discussion and compromise.

My prayer for you will never cease. If Allah takes me away from you.... I want you to know that you are always forgiven. I will never stop loving you even if my heart aches inside...even if it stops for I would want to see you by my side in the hereafter.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Insyaallah I'll be joining IPG if Allah permits....

I was at the crossroad right from the beginning. Not wanting to disappoint myself if I am not able to be posted in IPG, I had always told myself that I will be going back teaching in school.

A call from one of my best friends last month had brightened my opportunity to enhance my professional development. She told me that there are vacancies for instructional technology posts at her work place. At first, I was scared if my husband would not allow me to go there. To my surprise my husband gave me the green light. I felt really blessed. However, I was still not sure since two of my children will sit for SPM and PMR next year.... If I join IPG, the working hours is from 8am to 5pm... meaning longer working hours .... but then I thought, teaching in school does not guarantee me to be home by 5pm.....

The thought of having the opportunity to pursue PhD really enticed me to join IPG. If I go back to school, the opportunity ends there.... looking at my age, no way I could pursue my PhD... Assessing the school environment, I will put what I learn to waste by 50%. I would be able to utilize the skills and knowledge at a very minimum level. I might not be happy after all. As my friend kak Hasnah advised me, 'choose a work place where we feel happy working in it and where people appreciate our expertise'

I called kak Yan and she also advised me to join IPG or otherwise I will feel deeply frustrated as she had experienced it before.

I did prayers and beg that Allah lead me to the right decision... not only for me, but also for my entire family... so far all the signs lead me to join IPG... with kak Hasnah's illness and with the stressful environment in school, I think I have to say good bye to the school. Not that IPG is not stressful, but I am willing to take up the new challenge. Being 40+, I should be ready to face new challenges in my career. After all I will still be teaching, but this time my clients will be adult learners.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

19 years of devotion....

It is my 19th anniversary today. It is just like any other day..... nothing special although I try to make me feel special. Just be grateful.. it could have been worse you know.... but I would always keep my mind and heart open. Nothing last forever and Allah knows best.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Cempaka Tree

Last week, my mom asked me whether I would want her cempaka tree as she wants to get rid of it. I said yes (thinking why not) without realizing that my husband would not like it.

When my mom called this morning asking me to take the tree, I did. My maid helped me to dig a hole to plant the tree. Then, my husband told me that he would not agree for the tree to be planted there since the tree would grow very big. I tried to rationalize with him by telling him that I could trim the tree so that it won't grow very tall, but to no avail. Realising that this is not my house, I obeyed although deep in my heart I disagree.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Penang Trip

I was grateful that I was able to convince Afnan's father that I need to be there for Afnan when he competed for dressage at Penang Turf Club.

Ammar and I took firefly on the 5th of June 2009 from Subang airport. While waiting for the gate to open, we had breakfast at a Kopitiam at the airport. We reached Penang around 12p.m., took a cab which cost us RM38.00 to YMCA international hostel. Place our bag in Kak Zaiton's room and off we go in the same cab to Penang Turf Club. Once we reached there, we were greeted by Sue (Elisa's mother) and Azlin (Hasya's mother) at the food court. Then Ammar and I had our lunch. Ammar ate pizza and I ate pasembur.

Sue, Dr Aida and I were the only parents who attended the competition without spouse. But Sue's daughter was only a volunteer whereas Afnan and Yasmin were riders. I was really glad I was there for Afnan when he rode Diamond. Looking at how cranky Diamond was that afternoon I was worried for Afnan's safety. To me, if Afnan was able to control Diamond and complete the course safely that would be a victory for him and me. I did not aim for any placing for him since that was his first exposure to a competition in dressage. Afnan managed to get the 8th placing, sharing the same % with Hana that was 57.65%.

The next day, Afnan competed early morning. I just loved to see him riding Diamond handsomely. He made Diamond trot, walk, turn left and right perfectly in my eyes. Again, Afnan got 8th placing. Winning is not everything. I saw how teamwork made them better individuals. The kids, helped, consoled and encouraged each other before and after the competition. Triple Bar of Selangor managed to emerge the second best performer of 'riding in school programme' next to Johor. Triple Bar managed to get the first prize for Handy Pony event. A challenging activity involving 4 riders in a team.

We went back to Shah Alam on Sunday with the chartered bus. We reached Shah Alam at 12a.m. that night. Surprised that Aiman was still wide awake waiting for my return. I really had a good break in Penang. All in all, I think I spent almost RM1k for the trip that includes lodging, transport, food and souvenirs.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Fatigue, Tired, Exhausted, Worn out, Lethargic, Drained...

Toooo tired. My energy level is getting low and lower each day. I have the inner drive to recharge but the drive stops when there is no support being offered. I wish to go to sleep.... a very long sleep.....

19 years......serving, pleasing, obeying, fulfilling, helping, supporting, offering...etc...
Do we need to learn the hard way to appreciate what we have? I pray that it won't be too late....

Monday, May 18, 2009

Reading brings the world closer to you.

Open the door of knowledge,

Walk inside,

Pace up your steps,

Look around you,

Enjoy the beauty,

Explore your surroundings,

Stroll to different continents,

Learn about 1001 wonders of the world,

Understand different cultures and customs,

Appreciate values and traditions.

Strengthen your belief and principles

Open another door of wisdom,

Look into people’s eyes,

See lives from different perspectives,

Listen to various sounds,

Learn to touch the hearts,

Feel the uncertain emotions,


Discover your strength and weakness,

Overcome your stress and confusion,

Ready to face the world,

Revive your inner strength

Increase your will power,

Analyze others’ success and failures.

Need to open more doors?

Keep turning the page,


Reading brings the world closer to you.


Nurulhana bt Hussain

February 2007

Another poem I wrote in conjunction with the SMKS9 English language month 2007.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah, the most gracious, the most merciful. I was able to celebrate my mother's day today by presenting her with a bouquet of flowers. The cost of the bouquet was shared by all the three of us; my two sisters and I. My mum is going to take her mother (my grandma) for dinner tonight to celebrate mother's day.

When I got back home, my eldest daughter presented me with a wish card, so I kissed and hugged her. Later, at 2.30pm, on my way to UKM to send my daughter for a two-month course, I got an sms from my son, Afnan, who was in Rawang training horse riding for a competition in June, wished me happy mother's day. I got back from UKM around 5.30pm. To my surprise, my second daughter bought pizza for me to celebrate mother's day. I was truly touched since the cost of the pizza was shared among my three children, Izzah (rm 22.50), Ammar (rm15), Aiman (rm13). It never occured to my mind that they are capable of organising such a pleasant surprise on mother's day. Since my mother in law is around, so I told her the celebration was for both of us since both of us are mothers. I felt pity towards her since none of her children came to take her to celebrate mother's day. Probably it is due to it is not her family's culture to celebrate such days.

Later I read Nuha's entry in her blog about mother's day describing how grateful she is having me as her mother. I am truly touched. All my 5 children are the apples in my eyes. I love them all the same. They are my treasure, my assets.

I am grateful, truly am. I am blessed for still having my mum and my grandma around to be able to celebrate mother's day together. I am also blessed for having 5 children who appreciate my existence in their lives. Ya Allah, I pray to You please safeguard my children from any danger and misfortune. May Allah bless me, my family and those who know and care about me.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I Wonder by Sister Camilia Badr

I wonder

If prophet Muhammad visited you
Just for a day or two
If he came unexpectedly,
I wonder what you would do.
Oh I know you'd give your nicest room
To such an honoured guest,
And all the food you'd serve to him,
Would be your very best
And you would keep assuring him
You're glad to have him there
That serving him in your home
Is joy beyond compare

But...when you saw him coming
Would you meet him at the door
With arms outstretched in welcome
To your visitor?
Or...would you have to change your clothes
Before you let him in?
Or hide some magazines and put
The Quran where they had been?
Would you still watch X-rated movies,
On your TV set?
Or would you rush to switch it off
Before he gets upset?
Would you turn off the radio
And hope he hadn't heard?
And wish you hadn't uttered,
The last loud, hasty word?

Would you hide your worldly music
And instead take hadith books out?
Could you let him walk right in,
Or would you rush about?
And I wonder...if the prophet spent
A day or two with you
Would you right on doing the things
You always do?
Would you right on saying the things
You always say?
Would life for you continue
As it does from day to day?
Would your family conversation
Keep up its usual pace?
And would you keep up each and every prayer
Without putting on a frown?

And would you jump up early
For prayers at dawn?
Would you sing the song you always sing?
And read the books you read?
And let him know the things on which
Your mind and spirit feed?
Would you take the prophet with you
Everywhere you plan to go?
Or would you may be change you plans
Just for a day or so?

Would you be glad to have him meet
Your very closest friends?
Or would you hope they'd stay away
Until his visit ends?
Would you be glad to have him stay,
Forever on and on?
Or would you sigh with great relief
When he at last was gone?
It might be interesting to know
The things that you would do
If the prophet Muhammad, in person, came
To spend some time with you.

The poem above was retrieved from a magazine (probably Islamic Horizon-- but I am not too sure though) back in the late 80's when I was studying in the USA.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

My Poem




























This poem what written by me in conjunction with the English language month 2006 when I was still teaching in SMK Seksyen 9 Shah Alam. The theme for the month was the same as the title of this poem.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Family Day without me..

The Unang's family day was held on 24th to 26th in A Famosa Resort in Melaka. Who attended? The Hussain Unang's family (Malaysia) and the Nam'ah Unang's family(Singapore). My second daughter was the only representative from my family when every body else turned up.

It is very upsetting, of course for not being able to attend the gathering. I am glad my daughter had a good time there and had the experience of knowing the family tree from my side. I feel very frustrated indeed. There were so many available reasons that contribute to my inability to go to Melaka when those reasons could actually be overcome if .... (let it be only me who knows).

Regret? Indeed! No question. Can't help it! Blame? Of course! Who would not? Too selfish! Irritated? Definitely! Especially, when you know your existence is only for convenience....

Just wonder.... do you have to wait until you lose a person before you realize how meaningful her existence is towards you? Or you would never realise... would you? Is it too late? Only time will tell. Mercy.... Ya Allah.

Is it wrong to laugh?

Laughter is a sign of being happy...it is true! Laughing is supposed to be a therapy. Any objection? Can a laughter become cynical? Depends. Depends on what? Depends on the reasons for laughing? Would you mind being laughed at if the laughter comes from a person who would do anything for you? What if the person does not mean to laugh at you but laugh for the fact that she considers funny?

Is it wrong to laugh when you feel funny to what you heard? Why must a laughter be misinterpreted? Should one just stop laughing? One might as well erase the word laugh from one's dictionary of life. No reason for one to laugh any more. No reason to share feelings anymore. No reason... especially when what ever is said being misinterpreted many times.
No more laughter.. You won't be hearing it anymore.

Will you miss to hear the laughter? Don't think so since selfish is your outfit. Are you able to bring back the laughter? You don't even care if you are or not. What you care about would only be to fulfill your needs and desires. You would be too selfish to notice the difference any way. Say farewell to laughter... too tired to laugh anyway.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Marble Cake Kak Hira

1 cup butter
1 cup Castor sugar
1 and a half cup flour (sift with 1 teaspoon of baking powder)
3 eggs
3 tablespoon condensed milk
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
2 tablespoons of cocoa powder (sift)

Beat butter and sugar until fluffy. Add in egg one at a time. Continue beating until fluffy. Add in condensed milk and vanilla essence. Lastly add in flour and mix well. Turn on the oven and preheat for 5 minutes (180 degrees C) Divide the batter into 2 bowls; one leave as it is and the other mix well with the cocoa powder. Scoop both batter into a greased mould alternately until finish. Bake in the oven for 40 minutes.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Sambal Goreng Tempe berkicap Kak Hira

Note: Please use your discretion in estimating the quantity of the ingredients since the recipe handed over to me was without measurement.

  • tofu
  • tempe
  • potatoes
diced and fried until brown and put aside
  • suun (generous amount)- soak in water
  • dried shrimps (generous amount)
  • onions, garlic, ginger and fresh chili - sliced
Soute sliced onions, garlic, ginger and fresh chili.s Then add in chili boh (optional) and dried shrimps until brown. Add in habhal soya sauce and tamarind juice. Then add in suun. Add in tofu, tempe and potatoes. Sprinkle some seasonings if you like.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Why is it so hard to ask for help?

Normally when you see dead end, you will turn around and look for alternative routes. But if you still see dead end, what would you do? Won't you ask for help?

I really don't understand... I feel like yelling to these people 'Go and ask for help'. Make a request or an appeal... or at least support the request when someone has asked for help on your behalf. It is really frustrating.... It is like when you have opened up a path for people who are trapped in a cave, what they did were moaning, complaining and sighing without helping you to move away the rocks and boulders so that they could get out from the cave. Hope Allah will forgive me for feeling this way.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Daging masak kicap Che Wah


250g beef - slice thin

Bumbu - to be pounded using pestle and mortar:
1/4 teaspoon of black pepper
1/2 inch of ginger
5 pieces of garlic
5 pieces of shallots

Mix the sliced beef with all the pounded ingredients above in cooking pot. Add in 150 - 200ml water. Heat up on the stove until the beef is soft. Then put aside.

Heat 5 tablespoons of cooking oil on a wok. Fry sliced potatoes and put aside. Then, saute 1 inch of cinnamon (optional) Then, fry the beef until brown. Add in the remaining liquid from the pot. Rinse the pot with 50ml of water and add it to the wok. Add in Bilal (about 10 - 15 tablespoons) soya sauce and tamarind juice. Let it cook for several minutes. Just before turning off the stove, add it green chili, sliced onion and potatoes. Walla.. now it is ready to be served. Served best with fresly cooked rice.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Tentative programme for Family Day

Date: 24 - 26 April 2009
Venue: A Famosa Resort Melaka.

- check in 2-6 pm.
- solat maghrib in jamaah
- recite yasin and tahlil
- solat isya in jamaah
- dinner
- ice breaking activity - family tree

- solat subh in jamaah
- light exercise
- breakfast
- animal safary
- lunch
- wet world / colouring activity
- solat maghrib in jamaah
- tazkirah and tahlil
- solat insya in jamaah
- sharing session - memoir of Hussain b Unang
(suggestions: representative from grandchild (shifa')
nephew (abg lili or abg asat)
children (kak huda)
sister (obek 6)
wife (mak)
then open to anybody else depending on time.

- breakfast
- packing
- dismissal / farewell

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Want to be my son in law?

I have two daughters, Nuha and Izzah. Nothing to do with Anwar Ibrahim's daughters, just coincidence. Funny because Anwar's third daughter has my name, Nurulhana. That is not what I want to write about today. I am intending to outline some of the conditions if any guy out there would want to be my son in law.

Of course I am very well aware that humans can only plan but the execution comes from Allah. Nevertheless, as a mother, I have the right to wanting the best for my children. Yes, life is too short to be picky and choosy, but still, I do not want to jeopardize the quality of life of my children even though it is a short journey . Others might not agree but the guide below is solely for my daughters and may not apply to other people's daughters. Of course people can change and behaviour can be improved but the drive to improve must come from within the individual himself. My daughters are not perfect and I am not looking for perfection either...but I am trying to minimize problems which might occur some time later in their lives if Allah permits. May Allah bless us all.

The criteria are as follows. The person must:
  1. pray 5 times a day
  2. comes from a family who also pray 5 times a day
  3. able to recite the Quran perfectly
  4. love my daughter unconditionally
  5. respect, love and get along with his own parents and family
  6. respect me and my family and able to get along with every single one of us
  7. able to care for my daughter's well being
  8. accept the fact that my daughter cannot cook

  9. does not play any musical instrument.
  10. observe Islamic moral conduct at all times.
The conditions above are subject to change depending on situation..and I mean no offense to anybody out there...Of course, as a mother I need to give all the support I can to make my children happy. After all, life is too short.....

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Gulai Kari Johor Che Wah


A quarter kg of beef (slice) or chicken (cut)
1 inch of tumeric
1 inch of belacan (shrimp paste)
5 pieces of garlics
5 pieces of shallots
2 pieces of lemon grass
Half teaspoon of halba
1 tablespoon of kerisik
3- 5 tablespoon on blended dried chili
1 packet of concentrated coconut milk.
Potatoes (peeled and cut in four)
Tomatoes (cut in four)

How to:
Tumbuk kunyit, belacan, bwg putih dan bawang merah hingga lumat. Titik serai. Panaskan minyak dan tumis biji halba hingga naik bau. Kemudian, masukkan bahan2 yg telah ditumbuk dalam periuk. Setelah garing, masukkan cili mesen dan kerisik. Biar hingga garing. Masukkan daging atau ayam dan sedikit air. Masukkan kentang. Biar hingga daging dan kentang empuk.
Masukkan santan dan akhir sekali masukkan buah tomato. Biar seketika dan sedia untuk dihidang.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Taking things for granted

Life is too short to take things for granted. I am always grateful with what I have. I think Allah has given me a lot more than I had asked for. But being His servant (if I am qualify, that is), I would always ask for more each day. I would ask for blessings, I would ask for favours, I would beg that my burden and obstacles in life be lightened. I am grateful for my late father who had given me such a beautiful name. NURULHANA. It means the light of happiness in arabic. Indeed, I am determine to make myself happy and to make everyone that I care and love and everyone else around me happy.

Sometimes, the devils will tell me that hey, Hana, you did not get the same in return. You have been pleasing others but people take you for granted. Hmm... is it true? Well, I love talking to myself, talking to my mind to make me understand situations, conditions and challenges that come to me from all angles. That is how I comfort myself. When I am able to assess the situation from the bird's eye view, I would say, hey Hana, you do good deeds for the sake of Allah, right? So, that is the end of the story. If I do good things, I am pleasing my Creator and not because I would want something in return. Meaning, it people take you for granted, do not complain. Allah knows what is in your heart.

Yes, yes, I am fully aware that I should not have asked anything in return for all the good things I have done to others especially to the people I love and care. Only that deep inside me I am afraid if these people would regret for taking me for granted when I am no longer around. I do not want them to learn the hard way. I pray that happiness will always be mine. It is ok if others take me for granted because I always have Allah to turn to. I hope it will not be too late for the people I love and care to realise that I have done my all for the best of everyone. May Allah bless us all with Jannatul Firdaus.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Udang Galah masak gulai ketumbar Che Wah

This recipe is inherited from my mother in law.


Udang galah 15-20 pieces

Bumbu to be blended:
Garlic 5 pieces
Shallot 6 pieces
Tumeric 1 inch
Lemon grass 2 pieces
Powdered coriander 1 tablespoon (heap)

Saute all the ingredients in heated oil. Leave it until fragrant. Then add 5 tablespoon full of blended chilli. Let it fry until fragrant. Next add in udang galah, 2 glasses of water and cut potatoes. Let it simmer until the potatoes are soft. Then, add in a packet of concentrated coconot milk and cut fresh tomatoes. Add in salt and seasonings to taste. Let it simmer for another 2 minutes. Then Walla, done and ready tobe served.

Friday, February 20, 2009

A tribute to Siti Salwa Hj Arshad

Salwa or Che Wah would always be there for me and vice versa. We would lend our ears to listen to each others' problems, share our happiness and sorrows. We were not close before but we respect each other very much as colleagues who teach in the same school. I was her boss for English panel and years later, she became my boss for the committee of the school library.

We became close when she suggested my name to our ex-principal for the TSIE Students exchange programme of Tokoname, Japan. We spent 21 days accompanying 8 students for the programme. Mr Abdul Hakim Samuri and Mr Roslan Mohd Noor joined us too for the programme. That was in 2000.

Then, in 2005, Che Wah offered me to join her to visit Beijing. I was thrilled and again, I was able to travel abroad because of her. We visited many interesting places in Beijing, especially the Great Wall of China and the Forbidden City. We visited two schools, one primary and the other secondary. Salwa brought her husband, Azman and daughter, Marsha along for the trip. We enjoyed ourselves, especially during shopping spree at Russian market.

I left our school in 2008 until now when my application for MoE scholarship was approved. I am pursuing my masters in instructional technology in UM. Two weeks ago, I was invited to Che Wah's farewell gathering organized by the English panel of SMKS9. The news came as a pleasant surprise to me when I learned that Che Wah is going to stay in Rome, Italy for 2 - 4 years. Deep in my heart I know that she deserves the break. She has been very devoted to her profession and she has given her life to the school library. She puts her heart and soul in making the library lively and functioning. I trust that she could carry herself well in being an excellent diplomat's wife. I pray that Che Wah will be happy and able to quickly adapt to the new environment in Rome.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Memories of best friends.

When I was small, I used to write quotes on friendship in my friends' autographs. For instance
  • Friendship remains and never ends
  • Friends forever
  • Absence makes the heart grow fonder
  • A friend in need is a friend indeed.
Recollecting my younger days, boy... I have lots of good friends and where ever I go never once I do not have any best friend. If other have only one best friend at certain time, well I have a lot!
Starting when I was in primary school, MGS Klang, I still remember my best friend was a chinese girl, Chng Bee Leng. It all started when she gave me a beautiful doll as my birthday present. I was touched since I had never had that expensive doll. Not only me, even my sisters had never had one. Then, my next best friend was Khalifah Marziana. I still keep her pictures. I wonder where she is now. I try to find her through facebook but failed.

Then, during my junior high school, SMKA Maahad Hamidiah, Kajang, my best friends were Ruzainah Ishak and Najwa Abd Aziz. Ruzainah is residing in Kedah, a teacher with 5 kids if I am not mistaken. Najwa is a syar'i lawyer married to Sahlan and have 7 boys! They live in Pangsun and do well in business. Besides Najwa and Ruzainah, I also had Azlinda and Zubaidah Saleh as best friends.

Then, when I was in high school, Kolej Islam Klang, I had quite a number. They were Rosiati Ramli, Che Sarimah Md Saad, Rahibah Omar, Noor Seri Othman, Mashitoh Ibrahim apart from Zubaidah who still went to the same school.

My academic life moved on when I was offered to take up TESL course in the USA. During the intensive English course in CML at Slim River Perak, I became very close to kak Shida (Rosida), Noriah Talib, Rozana Hasan, Intan Noor Azlin Ahmad Dahari and a few others. In the States, my best friends remained as Noriah and Intan. Noriah and I were roommates when we were in Azusa. Then when I moved to California States University Stanislaus in Turlock and Noriah went to California State University Fresno, I became close to Hayati Idris (Kak Long) and Che Ku Zarina (CK) since we became housemates. As I have always liked to challenge myself, I applied to be transfered to University of the Pacific, Stockton which is located north of Turlock and about one and a half hours drive from San Francisco. I reunited with Intan and we became housemate. Unfortunately, our friendship did not last. I regret it until now. How I wish I could see her and be friends again. I just could not recall what I did wrong but I do hope we could forget all the differences we had and let bygone be bygone. It would be nice if we could reunite with our families and reminisce the old times when we were very much younger.

Monday, January 26, 2009

I do not own a thing.

Normally, when we own something, we write our names on our belongings to certify the possession. When we buy a car, we have our names listed on the registration card. When we buy a house, we have our names listed on the document of the house. But when our names are not listed on the document, it means we do not own that particular thing. Nevertheless, we need to realize that actually we do not own a thing even if we have our names engraved on the property.

Have you heard this quote, "We borrow the world from our children"? It is true. If we think that way we will not make any destruction to ourselves, to the land, to the sea, to the air and to the environment we live in. We don't even own ourselves. We don't own other people's love. We belong to our Creator. Allah could take our lives away in a matter of seconds and without warning. In fact, all the five children whom I have given birth to are also my temporary possessions. I can't even control their thinking, feeling and sometimes actions. Allah can take them away from me any time. Same thing, Allah can take me away from them any second. I have nothing that I can claim it is mine since everything is temporary. What is permanent? Our good deeds. We are going to bring the good deeds with us in the hereafter to help us on the day of judgment.

Well, you would wonder why and how this topic come about. I am trying to justify my negative thinking, actually. When I think it that way, it helps me to be rational and think positively. Yes, I am the owner of myself for now (until Allah says I have come to the end of my journey), so I must be able to control the way I think and feel. I must be able to heal myself from the depression I am experiencing. Just accept the fact that nobody owns a thing and every thing that we have at the moment are only temporary possessions. Just be grateful. ... truly grateful.

Friday, January 23, 2009

I miss my dad

I called my dad 'abah'. My abah is Ustaz Hussain b Unang, a respectable figure in the world of the muslim scholars in Selangor. Abah inspired me to do many things. Abah knew me well. He knew what I am capable of and he knew my limitations. He gave me the liberty to do my own decision when it involved my future. I was deeply touched when he kissed my cheek after learning that I scored second grade in SPM. Other parents must have yelled and scolded like crazy, but not abah. I cried because I have disappoint him in my SPM results. I blamed myself for not studying harder. His unconditional acceptance had turned me into a book worm and study machine. I became a dean's list and was graduated when I was 21 to buy back the loss in SPM. Abah has never failed to encourage me to continue to pursue my academic achievements. To abah, learning doesn't stop when you have a degree. You always need to improve yourself by learning. Abah was delighted when I embark on my journey to do my master in instructional technology. I was hoping abah could witness me receiving the scroll this time since he was not able to do that after I completed my degree in UoP, Stockton, CA.

Unfortunately, Abah passed away on 20th October 2008 at about 5.40 a.m. in front of me and the rest of the family after a long illness. Although abah is gone, I am blessed to inherit his courage, wisdom and wits besides his looks of course. I have never heard people say unpleasant things about abah. People adore him, admire him, look up to him, listen to him, concern about him and view him as a GURU.

When abah was sick and bed ridden, I made a point to kiss him every time I see him. I did not want to regret later. Yet, I still feel that how I wish I could have kissed him more often. I miss him dearly. I am very proud to be his daughter. I feel blessed to have his blood running in my arteries and veins. I am proud to say that I am Ustaz Hussain Unang's daughter.

I pray that abah will always be protected by Allah and the angels. I hope I could see abah in the hereafter as a family. Abah will always be the pillar of my strengths even if he is gone.

Hana rindu abah. Hana doakan abah tenang and sentiasa dalam rahmat keampunan Allah selalu.
Jangan berhenti mendoakan kesejahteraan Hana dunia dan akhirat ya bah.

Not that I am not grateful.....

I am grateful. Indeed.. but I couldn't help thinking and wondering why am I feeling not appreciated. I could have been wrong to feel this way. I may just misunderstand, but I could tell others look at me with sympathetic eyes. It is very difficult to describe. It is beyond words. I know life has to go on. Many depends on me.

I am beginning to look back more nowadays. Reminiscing the moments when I was very much younger. Looking at and analyzing the implications of my own decisions before. How I wish I were stronger emotionally and psychologically so that I could stand up and defend my rights to choose. Well, nevertheless, I admit that everything happens for reasons. I should not regret... I know, but I just need a companion who would accept my fouls and weakness without making fun or intimidating my lack of wisdom sometimes.

It hurts so much inside... after all the sacrifices... Of course the sacrifices couldn't be translated into material wealth. They are sacrifices of dreams, sacrifices of youth, sacrifices of times, sacrifices of self satisfaction, sacrifices of self accomplishment, sacrifices of energy and above all sacrifices of emotion. What is left inside me is determination and faith that those sacrifices mention will be paid with heaven.

I used to think what would I get in return and why don't I get the same in return after I have given all that I have left in my heart. But not anymore because I have stopped hoping. I very well know what I deserve: I deserve to earn some care, some touch, some smile, some respect, some concern, some hug and probably just a drop of love? if not some?. Am I asking too much. Am I being not grateful? I don't need material wealth. It never excite me and it never will. Think of me as a companion and not a possession.

I don't mean to hurt anybody with my writing. I am just pouring out what is going on in my head and in my heart at the point of time when I am typing so that I won't fall sick inside. I may not think this way at other times. Keep it to yourself since revealing your response to me will hurt me even more.